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Post by mudqueen on Nov 3, 2005 11:35:55 GMT -8
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Post by mudqueen on Nov 5, 2005 9:28:39 GMT -8
geesh guys come on lets see some funnies.....
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Post by mudqueen on Nov 5, 2005 13:31:18 GMT -8
well you just never no some times, so be careful.....
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, she decided to go the party.
Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by! watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted ! his time to the new stuff that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband.
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said:
"Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there".
"Did you dance much?"
"I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to......."
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Post by Dodgeboy426 on Nov 5, 2005 14:28:27 GMT -8
LMAO!!!!!!!!!
I like that one!
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Post by Dodgeboy426 on Nov 8, 2005 22:00:29 GMT -8
My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we are in bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
"Yes," she replied.
Then I said, "I'd like to phone a friend."
That's the last thing I remember.
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Post by Dodgeboy426 on Nov 8, 2005 22:02:46 GMT -8
>> A very successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
>>She was a very good-looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
>>Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.
>>She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
>>He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
>>For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
>>One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
>>She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
>>Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
>>He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
>>"Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
>>"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
>>"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
>>"Now," she said, "take off my panties." By the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off.
>>Then she looked at him and said,...........
â
â
â
â
â
â
â
"If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
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Post by mudqueen on Nov 9, 2005 18:59:27 GMT -8
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Post by bluedeth on Nov 10, 2005 19:08:40 GMT -8
  is this blue? |
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Post by Dodgeboy426 on Nov 10, 2005 19:09:49 GMT -8
LMAO! Must be related!
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Post by mudqueen on Nov 11, 2005 10:59:14 GMT -8
Sad news...
>>>>
>>>> With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the
>>>> moment, it is
>>>> worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which
>>>> almost went
>>>> unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The
>>>> Hokey Pokey"
>>>> died peacefully at the age of 93.
>>>>
>>>> The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the
>>>> coffin. They
>>>> put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Shut up. You know it's funny.
>>>>
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Post by mudqueen on Nov 11, 2005 11:00:28 GMT -8
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
> >> >
> >> > Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Older Woman: Oh, I see.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Officer: Can I see your license please?
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Officer: Don't have one?
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers
> >> please.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Older Woman: I can't do that.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Officer: Why not?
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Older Woman: I stole this car.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Officer: Stole it?
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Officer: You what?
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if
> >> >you want to see
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car
> >> >and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A
> >> >senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The
> >>
> >> >woman steps out of her vehicle.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
> >> >car and murdered the owner.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
> >> please.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty
trunk.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer
> >> >is quite stunned.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a
> >> >driving license.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse
and
> >>
> >> >hands it to the officer.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you
> >> >didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered
> >> >and hacked up the owner.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > Don't Mess With Old Ladies
> >> >
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Post by mudqueen on Nov 11, 2005 11:06:33 GMT -8
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Post by bluedeth on Nov 15, 2005 19:20:31 GMT -8
Getting old
Getting old is so hard at times......
Yesterday I got Preparation 'H' mixed up with Poli-Grip.
NOW, I walk funny ..
but my gums don't itch!
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Post by bluedeth on Nov 15, 2005 19:21:30 GMT -8
One day while passing a nursing home I noticed a number of old ladies lying
naked on the grass.
I thought this was a bit unusual but I continued on my way to the store.
On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old
ladies laying on the lawn. This time my curiosity got the best of me and I
went inside to talk to the manager.
"Do you know there are six ladies laying naked on your front lawn?"
"Yes," he said. "They are retired prostitutes and they're having a yard
sale!"
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Post by bluedeth on Nov 15, 2005 19:25:26 GMT -8
for all you foul eaters..... ha ha ha ha ha BAKED STUFFED CHICKEN 6-7 lb. chicken 1 cup melted butter 1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good.) 1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S LOW FAT) Salt/pepper to taste Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven. Listen for the popping sounds. When the chicken's ass blows the oven door open and the chicken flies across the room, it is done.  |
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bigblockcowboy
Weekend Warrior
Corporal post-whore
The devil made me do it! TWICE!!!
Posts: 197
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Post by bigblockcowboy on Nov 15, 2005 21:10:05 GMT -8
What do you call the dead blonde in your closet?
Winner of last years hide and seek contest
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Post by mudqueen on Nov 16, 2005 19:22:28 GMT -8
i wondered why she was there..
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Post by mudqueen on Nov 20, 2005 19:51:19 GMT -8
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Post by Dodgeboy426 on Nov 20, 2005 20:23:43 GMT -8
I want a milwuakee M-16!
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Post by mudqueen on Nov 23, 2005 21:26:43 GMT -8
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Post by bluedeth on Nov 24, 2005 19:33:08 GMT -8
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Post by Dodgeboy426 on Nov 24, 2005 23:41:49 GMT -8
LMAO! thanks for making me laugh at the end of the day  |
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Post by mudqueen on Nov 30, 2005 20:35:49 GMT -8
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"
Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."
God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!;
Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."
God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur,"but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."
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Post by Dodgeboy426 on Nov 30, 2005 21:13:07 GMT -8
LMAO! Yhat's great!
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Post by mudqueen on Dec 2, 2005 21:13:48 GMT -8
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