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Post by Dodgeboy426 on Jan 17, 2006 19:15:31 GMT -8
LOL! ;D
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Post by mudqueen on Jan 18, 2006 21:50:34 GMT -8
ok guys, take the few minute to relax and have a good chuckle at jimmy and adam. this is hillarious. even mathew had a laugh with his dad at this one. media.putfile.com/deer15
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Post by mudqueen on Jan 19, 2006 9:16:32 GMT -8
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Post by Mudslut on Jan 19, 2006 15:19:23 GMT -8
That is pretty cool!
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Post by mudqueen on Jan 19, 2006 21:50:59 GMT -8
wish iwas that talented
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Post by mudqueen on Jan 21, 2006 11:45:02 GMT -8
(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins, to hop the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse, upon landing his pocket knife penetrated his thigh. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.
Congratulations gentlemen. You win. And some more idiots have been removed from the gene pool.
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Post by mudqueen on Jan 21, 2006 11:55:12 GMT -8
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweet sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are coming" and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.
BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign That said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident." I just lost it."
"CASE DISMISSED!"
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Post by mudqueen on Jan 24, 2006 8:10:34 GMT -8
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Post by mudqueen on Jan 24, 2006 8:12:27 GMT -8
I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when your calling for a cab.
I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo.
She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up to her butt, you know the kind.
So I'm in my room and figure, what the hell, I'll give her a call.
"Hello?" the woman says. God she sounded sexy.
"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is s-e-x. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it.
Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night; Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound?"
She says, "That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press 9."
...................................................................................
A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure it out or how to get it started." Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger. He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then............", he sighed, .....
Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box."
these should help the mid winter blahs....
he he he he
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Post by mudqueen on Jan 24, 2006 8:45:18 GMT -8
Carnation Milk A little old lady from Newfoundland had worked in and around her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk, with hours of hard work and little compensation. When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery stores in approximately the 1940's, she read an advertisement offering $5,000 for the best slogan. The producers wanted a rhyme beginning with "Carnation Milk is best of all...." She thought to herself, I know all about milk and dairy farms. I can do this! She sent in her entry, and about a week later, a black limo drove up in front of her house. a Man got out and said, "Carnation LOVED your entry so much, we are here to award you $1000, even though we will not be able to use it..." Here is her entry:
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Post by Dodgeboy426 on Jan 24, 2006 9:47:12 GMT -8
LOL, that's a good one!
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Post by mudqueen on Jan 24, 2006 19:05:55 GMT -8
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Post by mudqueen on Jan 27, 2006 9:03:40 GMT -8
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Post by mudqueen on Jan 27, 2006 9:08:09 GMT -8
is that a ram in the offroad commode video? i mean the truck.
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Post by Dodgeboy426 on Jan 27, 2006 18:13:56 GMT -8
Why yes it is! a 3rd generation Ram
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Post by mudqueen on Jan 27, 2006 21:27:16 GMT -8
nice then i guess the vid can stay...
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Post by mudqueen on Feb 21, 2006 19:50:47 GMT -8
Subject: Pharmacology 101
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin. Advil is also called Ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for VIAGRA. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of: Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin,Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin. Pfizer Corp. announced today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails," "highballs," and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink." Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: "MOUNT & DO."
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Post by mudqueen on Feb 21, 2006 19:57:27 GMT -8
Subject: GST A husband goes home and says to his wife, "Do you know what GST stands for?" She said "No." He said "It means Good Sex Tonight." She said "Oh really." He said, "Yeah really, what are my chances?" She said "About 7%." Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks,"will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?" Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a Valentine to?" "Osama Bin Laden," she says. "Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock. "Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore." Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride. "Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard." "I know,"Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could shoot the fucker." www.toonedin.com/cheney.htmlenjoy guys......
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Post by mudqueen on Feb 24, 2006 23:14:26 GMT -8
hey, erin, corey says he knows you're gay. your dick tasted like shit. kinda like that old rusty trombone. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha aha ha
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Post by Dodgeboy426 on Feb 25, 2006 14:22:51 GMT -8
LOL, well I know he's gay because he puts his dick in other guys asses
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Post by mudqueen on Mar 10, 2006 21:26:32 GMT -8
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Post by mudqueen on Mar 19, 2006 20:57:24 GMT -8
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!" "I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles." With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says... "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"!
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