|
Post by mudqueen on Oct 12, 2006 8:29:02 GMT -8
Twas the night of Thanksgiving
Twas the night of Thanksgiving, but I just couldn't sleep. I tried counting backwards, I tried counting sheep.
The leftovers beckoned -- the dark meat and white
but I fought the temptation with all of my might.
Tossing and turning with anticipation, the thought of a snack became infatuation.
So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door and gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.
I gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes, pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.
I felt myself swelling so plump and so round, 'till all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.
I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky
with a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie
But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees .. Happy eating to all -- pass the cranberries, please.
May your stuffing be tasty, may your turkey be plump. May your potatoes 'n gravy have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious, may your pies take the prize, May your Thanksgiving dinner stay off of your thighs.
|
|
|
Post by mudqueen on Oct 12, 2006 8:30:24 GMT -8
You have to hope that this study is flawed, but the evidence seems irrefutable. Yesterday scientists for Health Canada suggested that, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, men should take a long hard look at their beer consumption. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each within a one hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, had to sit down while urinating, couldn't perform sexually, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.
|
|
|
Post by Dodgeboy426 on Oct 12, 2006 17:50:28 GMT -8
hehehe! ;D
|
|
|
Post by mudqueen on Nov 10, 2006 9:56:28 GMT -8
do not fart in bed
If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you.
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in there marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
|
|